Life Goes On:

Life is tough. I'm not used to getting attached to people and building relationships with them and then having them leave. I don't like it, at all. I know it's for a good reason, but it's just really hard. I can't imagine having to do this with someone who I am in love with. It must be awful. Yet, people do it all the time. Guys go on Missions and leave there girls behind. You just have to deal with it and go on with your life.

"In three words I can sum up everything I now about life: It goes on." -Robert Frost.

Mr Frost is right, life does go on. You look at quotes and movies, and even the advise that people give you and think "Oh, I can do that." but it's much harder to do it. Life is hard, and you need to be tough and smart. You need to work at it everyday. You need to work on bettering yourself everyday as well. Life is tough, but for good reasons. It's our test. God wouldn't give us a trial that we couldn't handle. He knows us individually. Put your life in God's hands and watch it flourish. I know things in my life may seem rough now, but I trust my Father, and I know that one day I will look back on this and laugh. And so will you. Don't ever give up. You are loved, and you are beautiful.

Saying Goodbye:

Saying goodbye to people you have come to know and care about is really hard. I hate saying goodbye, it's the worst thing. Especially if you know that you're not going to see them for two years.. My roommate and Best Friend are strong gals. I don't want to say goodbye anymore, I want a hello instead. I miss you, and you. Goodbye.

My Testimony:

One of my favorite places in the world? The Salt Lake Temple. Any Temple, really, but the Salt Lake is like home. You just feel such a peace in the Temple, and you can just feel the love. That's where I am getting married, too. Beautiful, isn't it? It looks like a castle, and I am a daughter of a king, soooo.. :) Go to the Temple as much as you can, it is a beautiful experience in any Temple. Keep the Gospel in your life and always have your mind of God and our bother Jesus Christ.

I have a strong testimony of this Gospel. I know that Jesus died for us and suffered for us, so that we could repent for our sins. I know that the Prophet Joseph Smith restored the Gospel and that he was a true, living Prophet. I know that President Monson is a true Prophet and his words are Gods words. I know that this church is true and I am so grateful for it in my life, I don't know what my life would be if I didn't have the Gospel in my life. I love this Gospel and I love my father and brother in Heaven. Keep the lord in your life, especially throughout the Christmas season.

'Tis the Season:

December first. What a beautiful season. Everything is covered in pure white, sparkling snow. It's the season of joy, love, and the season when we celebrate the beautiful birth of our Savior. It really is a magical time of year, you just feel the excitement, and beauty of it all. When I saw the snow last night, I was in a trance from the sparkle and the beauty of just a simple little thing. We take for granted the little things in our life, when all along, they bring us the most joy. This is the season to reflect on the blessings in your life. Not only the big blessings, but also the small, usually not counted for blessings. This is the season to engross yourself in service and in Christ, our Savior.

Come on, don't leave me like this. You're all I wanted.

"Stupid girl, I should have known.. I should have known.. I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale. I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell. This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town" -Taylor Swift.

But, I wish I was. It's not too late for you and your white horse to come around. I miss you. I know we haven't known each other for years, and we didn't get super duper close, but it still stings and you're still a good friend. Both of you.

"Come on, come on, don't leave me like this. I thought I had you figured out. Somethings gone terribly wrong. I'm haunted" -Taylor Swift.

Everything was going great. What happened? What made you snap? Was it me? Do you still feel the same way you did? I still remember the way you kissed, the way you laughed, the way you held me. I remember everything. Do you? The memories haunt me. Day and Night.

"I'm starting to think one day, I'll tell the story of us. How I was losing my mind when I saw you here, but you held your pride like you should have held me"-Taylor Swift.

What is with you men and your dang pride? Shouldn't us girls be more important? Don't you even care anymore? What was all that? Is this all just because of your Mission? If so, let me know. Don't let me fall all the way, before catching me.

"I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around. My faith in you was fading.." -Taylor Swift.

I'm still getting tired of waiting, and yet, I keep waiting. I don't give up easily on something I really want. Can't you tell? I know we were both young when I first saw you, but it can still work. Don't you remember that night? The party? The "ball gowns"? Coming through the crowd to say hello? I do. It's a love story, baby just say yes.

"I was enchanted to met you. Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have someone waiting for you" -Taylor Swift.

That was the very first page, not where the story line ends. Don't let it end. I don't want it to end. I really was enchanted to meet you, and it felt like you were as well. Don't give up on me, yet. Ill write. I promise. Just don't forget.

"I do remember the swing of your step, the life of the party, you're showing off again. How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something, theres not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions. And Ill feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe. I never thought we'd have our last kiss. I don't know how to be something you miss.." -Taylor Swift.

I honestly don't know how to be something you miss. I don't actually know if you do miss me, or if you have forgotten all about me. I loved the way you would grab my face and just kiss me, and the way I had to stand on my tippy toes. I love how our first kiss was by a playground, under the stars, and happened because of a stupid, playful argument about a moose sound. I love the way you listened to my heartbeat and could tell I was nervous, and you let me listen to yours. I love how when I told you I had a secret and then whispered that I liked you, that you said that you had a secret as well, and then you kissed me. I love how you would push me on the swings, play "The ground is lava" with me, play on the playground with me, and run through the sprinklers with me like children. I love how you love the stars as much as I do, and we would just lay there and stare at the stars in the silent, making wishes on every shooting star. I haven't seen a shooting star since. I love how when we first hung out, we went to "our" playground and just sat and talked for hours about everything. I love how after our first kiss, I ran inside, woke my roommate, Angie, up and squealed about every little thing, and then texted my Mom and all of my Best Friends. I love how I know that you must have told your Best Friends about me, and others, because they know me as "The Ruby Trainers Daughter." I love how you remember everything I told you. Even my room number. 201. I love how you helped me make dinner, and how you helped my roommates, and how you helped me with the dishes. I love how you asked me if I wanted to see your Ex girlfriend, and you showed me a picture of an adorable little girl you met at the Nahvoo pageant. I love how you have such a strong testimony of the church, and how you are going on a mission to serve our Lord. I love how I can just be myself around you. I love how I could talk in my funny accents, and you would join in. I love how you had me tell you all about my wedding that I already have planned. I love how you would teach me all the swing dance moves that you had learned, and how you were patient with my horrific dancing. I love how you think of giving random girls high fives because they have a pink Snow lanyard (even though, I'm pretty sure almost every girl at Snow has one), but you associate them with me. Because the first thing you said to me was, "Is your favorite color pink?" "No, I actually hate it."

You will never read this post, and if you do, I hope you smile. I hope I'm with you when you read it. Lets let our relationship be like a Taylor Swift song.

"Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone, I keep waiting for you, but you never come. Is this in my head? I don't know what to think. He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said, Marry me, Juliet! You'll never have to be alone. I love you and that's all I really know. I talked to your Dad, go pick out a white dress. It's a love story, baby just say yes."

Just say YES. <3

Love:

The story of Romeo and Juliet is one of the most famous love stories of all time. It's a true love. One that you would die for, one that you would cross oceans for, the one that we all dream of. It's hard to obtain it. The journey to true love can be long and hard, but its worth it in the end. You know why it's such a hard thing to obtain? Because its one of the most magical things we have, and its because we want it so much, that it is so much more rewarding in the end.

When you gain this magic, don't ever let it go. It is said that it is better to have loved than to have never loved at all, but is it really? If you have never loved, then you will never know the true heartache that comes with it. I think that it is better to have never loved, because then you will never know the pains that come with it. Of course you will never know the pure joy of it, so I guess that would be an awful thing. I guess I am kind of on the fence with that. I hate pain, especially when it is emotional pain. Love pain is terrible, and I sympathize with anyone who has ever felt it. I am so very truly sorry. For those of you whom have felt the great joys that love can bring, congratulations. I wish I was in your boat.

Twenty Things You Don't Know About Me:

1. I was one pound when I was born. My Dad could fit his wedding band around my arm.

2. I would rather spend hours at home reading a book, rather than going to a party.

3. I cry more than you know.

4. I'm OCD about time. I have panic attacks and go totally insane if I am even a minute late.

5. I want to be a country singer and a writer.

6. Everyone thinks I get a ton of guys and have a ton of friends, but it's not true. Just because I'm blonde, doesn't mean I'm beautiful and every guy wants me. Guys usually lead me on, then leave me. I hurt more than you think.

7. I hate when people take their nail polish off by picking at it; it drives me insane.

8. I have a heart on my wrist, and no, I did not carve it into my skin.

9. I watch movies all the time, mostly chick flicks. I have a problem.

10. My favorite stores are the Thrift Store and the DI.

11. My Dad is my hero.

12. My Mom is my rock.

13. My Brother is one of my Best Friends.

14. I am a HUGE environmentalist.

15. I'm really insecure.

16. I'm a true romantic.

17. I can be girly, but I don't like when people think of me as girly.

18. I'm kind of a feminist, and yet, I want to be a stay at home Mom.

19. I wish I was Hermione Granger. I wish I was smart. Plus, I want Ron. I also want to be Emma Watson. She is my role model. Also, I wish I lived in Harry Potters world.

20. I kiss my hand or blow a kiss to the sky after I pray. <3

College Update:

Man, do I love college life. It has been so great, I never want to leave! :D I just wish that I didn't have to take all these generals. I hate generals. I just want to focus on my major and get out into the work force as quickly as possible, instead of wasting my time and money learning things that I'm never going to use.

Another thing that is hard at the moment is dealing with "premies".. The guys that I like and that I have been going on dates with and all that are all going on missions soon! It's just so difficult.. One of the guys, I have been kind of seeing, but he doesn't want to get into a relationship because of his mission, and its all kind of emotionally draining, you know? Same with the other guy, except, we are more just friends than dating. He did kiss me, and we would hang out all the time, but now we are just friends, and it sucks because if these guys weren't going on missions, then maybe I might actually have a chance with one of them. The other guy, he's a friend from my Institute class and he just asked me to the Homecoming dance. He is a cute and sweet guy, but I don't know if I would date him, yet. I just need to find an RM, life would be so much easier, because then I could actually have an actual relationship! UGH.

If any of you are at school, and have any great adventures, I would love to hear about them! Well, I have to go eat now. BYE!

Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl. Banned book essay:

The book, Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl is the Diary of a young Jewish girl that was alive during the Holocaust. Anne kept a journal about what went on during this terrible time in history. This book has been challenged and banned because readers find it to be a “downer” and because of some sexual content. My opinion on the matter is that this book should not be banned. It gives our kids a real view on an important time in history, it helps us understand what Jews back then went through, and it gives us a taste of the knowledge they had back then.

This book gives us a view of what really happened during the Holocaust and what went on during that horrific time period. Throughout the book, Anne talks about what is going on during the war and how she feels about the whole thing. This book gives us a view on no only and important time in history, but it also shows us what Jews in that time went through and how terrifying it was to be a Jew at that time. In her diary, Anne says: "I could go on for hours about all the suffering the war has brought, but then I would only make myself more dejected. There is nothing we can do but wait as calmly as we can till the misery comes to an end. Jews and Christians wait, the whole earth waits; and there are many who wait for death." Wednesday, 13 January 1943, pg. 48. The Holocaust is not an event we should take lightly or just hide away and make it seem like it never happened. It did happen and it was a horrible thing, we need to help our children understand that and understand that it was something we grieve and should know more about.

Like I mentioned in the paragraph above, it gives us a sense of what it was like to be a Jew during this time. She shares her feelings about the war and about her feelings towards others and about growing up. Every child has thoughts like this and wonders about their own bodies or others. One of the reasons why this book is banned is because of sexual content, Anne does talk about sexual things that she wonders about or thinks about, but that’s normal for a young girl. We all have wondered about this stuff and need to know about it sooner or later, and the sooner we learn it, the more we will understand it and understand what our parents think is right or wrong. Our kids also need to be taught that human suffering is a hard thing and when it’s a public event, where the whole world knows about the suffering, its wrong to put people through that. Reading Anne’s diary will give them a sense of what the Jews went through and it will give them a sense of Anne and they will get to know her on a personal level. Because we have her diary, we are more connected to the Holocaust because we have read her diary, we get a sense of what went on and who Anne Frank was, we come to understand her as a person and not just as a victim from the Holocaust.

When reading this book, I noticed that Anne is very smart for her age. She uses correct grammar, punctuation and even uses some big words in just her diary. I think that its good for kids to read this not only for the history, and to get a sense of what it was like to be a Jew at that time, but also to see how different it was back then from our world today. Now, don't get me wrong, we have a lot of smart people in our world and our children are very bright, but in Europe at that time period, it's amazing to see how children were. They would learn many languages; learn how to write correctly and how to speak correctly. Its good for our kids to contrast that time period and ours and learn about those things.

Now, those who think that the book should be banned have argued that the book contains sexual content and is also a "real downer." Now, I agree that the book can be sad and that the sexual parts in it are a bit surprising to read, but it was a sad time in history and it should be remembered and not forgotten. If we ban this book, the Holocaust won’t be forgotten, but Anne Frank might be, and we don't want to lose her. The other reason for banning the book is because of the sexual content. The thing about that is that, there's honestly not that much of it in there, and kids need to learn about this anyway and are probably already curious about it, just as Anne was. If you don't approve as a parent with the parts in the book that have sexual content, then you don't have to let your kids read those parts, but the book is a good read, along with a good teaching tool for your children.

In conclusion, I would just like to assure you that Anne Frank is a good book to read, it is informative, as well as interesting and I think that we should allow our kids to read it in their personal lives, as well as in school. Now, if parents disapprove of the book, then they can let the teacher know and the teacher will probably do something about it, but there's no need to take it away from every child. This book teaches us about a time in history that we need to be learning about and we need to be teaching our children about. We need to know about that terrible time and we need to get to know Anne Frank and the way she lived her life and died in the way that she did. Don't let Anne Franks Diary die as well, let it live on and enrich peoples lives like it has.

Clearing up:

I just went back and read some of my older posts and all I have to say is, I'm so sorry.. Geez. I can be such a drama queen and I whine a lot. I guess its because I think of this as a journal type thing, but I should put into consideration that others are reading this. Wow. The ones that I am mostly walking about are the ones about my Ex. I look back at that now, and yeah, I know that it was a really hard time in my life, but I was also very dramatic about it. I'm not even entirely sure that he was my "first love". How can you even tell? its difficult. Well, I just wanted to tell you I am sorry about my ranting and all that other crap. I hope my writing has improved and isn't boring you to tears or making you want to strangle me. That would be nice. :)

Just to clear it up, that wasn't the biggest mistake I have ever made. I haven't made that big of a mistake in my life yet, but that most certainly was NOT it. I was being dramatic because I was in pain. It happens to all of us. Just thought I should clear that up. :)

XOXO <3

Living in the Moment or Living for the Future?

Something that is extremely hard for me is living in the moment. I am always thinking about the future and what this or that is going to do for my future. If the guy I am seeing now is going to be in my future and if I don't get to know him now, will he still be in my future? What friends will be in my future? What I am going to do in my future? What college am I going to transfer to in my future? Its so stressful sometimes because thats all I think about in certain situations. Even in "In the Moment" situations, I always think: Oh, Ill be mad at myself if I don't do this, or this will be cool to look back on in the future.

I've been told though that it is a good thing to look to the future because then you have a broader view of things and not just the day to day view that most teens have. I just wish that I could have both, you know? I wish I could just live in the moment and not care about anything, but also think about my future and think about what is good for me and what will do me and my future family good.

Well, this is a short post, but that was what was on my mind and I just thought that I would jot it down and just get all my thoughts out. If have more thoughts on this later, I will tell you. I always do that, I always post a new post and then after think of what else I should have put in there. Its really irritating.. Its just like when you have a fight with someone and after you are like: "Oh, shoot.. I should have said that, it would have made a stronger point" Yeah.. It sucks. :P Well, I hope you have a fabulous Thursday! Buh-bye! :)

Changes in Life:

Wow.. Its amazing how life can change so quickly in a matter of weeks, even days! So, you all know that I am in college now. Well, its so crazy how my life has changed so much! When dating now, you're not just having fun with some cute guy, you are looking for your ETERNAL COMPANION, and everyone is looking. You have to figure out what traits you like in a guy and if this guy or that guy would be a good husband and father, and have they or are they going on missions? Speaking of Missions, if you meet a guy that you like and you become great friends and maybe start up something, he might be leaving for a Mission. So, you meet this GREAT guy and BAM he is gone for two years.. And if you really like this guy and maybe want to try something out with him, you have to make sure you become good friends fast and get to that point where he will ask you to write him on his Mission, so then you wont lose contact and lose them forever.

Also, you can't just dink around in college, you have to know what you want to go into and what you want to do with your WHOLE life. Do you know how stressful that is? I mean, first they make us take ALL these generals, even though we have been taking them seriously since like seventh grade and science? I'm not going to become a scientist or do anything in science! So, why do I need to take it? I want to focus on my major so I can actually get out and get into the real world! I'm actually looking at schools in Seattle to study journalism at. :) Not sure if this is a final decision, probably not, seeing as I'm just a freshman.

So, yeah. That is my random rant for the night and my crazy life changes and everything. Hope you enjoy. Have a goodnight. :)

College Life:

Well, its official.. I am now a college student! It has been so crazy! I just can't get used to the fact that I am actually living here now. This is my home. I'm not going back to my parents house (which is no longer where I stay!) Last night was my first night, and when I would wake up during the night, I would just suddenly wake up and be like, "Where the crap am I?" "Which direction am I sleeping in?" "Who is that?" Yeah.. It was a very crazy night for me.

I am so nervous to start classes, just like every other freshman. I am definitely going to have to get a math tutor because I suck at math, and then I will just have to study like crazy because I am already so stressed about passing all my classes! I think I'm going to start my eighteen page paper on my life for Courtship and Marriage now..

Also, I am now in a Young Single Adults ward, which is really weird, because I am so used to being surrounded by old people and going to church with my Best Friend, Bryn. But, the up side to this is that there are a lot of hot guys. :) Thats what I love about college. Hot MEN. :D

I think I have skyped with almost all of my friends. I have skyped with Jakers, Jeni, Bryn, and even Sarah, who's in CHINA! I miss them SO much, its not even funny! I just want to cry all the time, I am SO homesick! I miss my family and puppy as well. SO much! My Mom texts me all the time, and I actually love it.

You know, you always think that you are going to love moving out and getting away from your family and being on your won, but its actually really hard. I didn't think it was going to be this hard, but I will get through this.

Well, I'm off to bed or whatever, so goodnight, and sweet dreams. <3

My Style Icons:

Kate Middleton: I just love the British style! Its so classy and daring as well. I love Kate Middleton's classic style and how she is always put together. Plus, she is modest, and being LDS, that is something that I love to look for! Its hard to find fashionista's that are totally modest. :)
Emma Watson: I LOVE her style. I love to look at her style and pull things out to put into things that I wear. I love how her style is very classy and yet it can be daring and funky. She always looks great and seems to dress in what she likes, since she doesn't have a stylist, she dresses for herself and not for others.

Vanessa Hudgens: Yes, the High School Musical gal. Laugh all you want, but she does have a great sense of style. She has a very hippie style and also a professional style. Man, I wish I could afford the clothes that the celebrities wear. :)

Jessica Alba: Even though she is seriously pregnant right now, she still looks amazing, even if she is wearing a tee shirt and jeans. Even her daughter looks cute and wears clothes that I wish were in my size. Ha ha!

Rachel Bilson: BIG fashionista. I love how she always looks effortless, its like she wakes up and just puts on clothes. I wish I could do that, most days I try on everything together until I find the perfect thing. She has such a casual style, but its still amazing. I love her style.

Moving On.

Moving on. This is something we all have to do eventually in life, whether its moving on from past loves and relationship or moving on in life by going to college or getting married and having kids. It may seem like a very scary and emotional thing, but in the end, its for the best. You get rewarded after moving on. You find a better man, you get an education and a chance for a career, you get a life and its wonderful.

Right now I'm moving on in my life, Im going of to college, I just got my first job, and I'm trying to move on from a past love. Is it scary? Uhh, DUH. But, I know that I will get past this and I know that one day I will look back at moving on and remember how scared I was and how much of an emotional toll it took on me and Ill just think "I was so stupid, why didn't I see the big picture?"

First, lets talk about college. Going off to a new school, in a new place and not knowing anyone is REALLY scary.. First of all you have to buy tons of new stuff, like kitchen stuff. Then you actually need to know how to cook to use those and you also have to do your own laundry. You are living on your own with people you dont even know and you will be taking hard classes with unfamiliar teachers. Plus, you will have to be finding a new career and eventually a future spouse. Scary, huh? Its also a very exciting time, though. You get to start a new adventure, create new memories, and become even happier.

Next is my first job. I now work at Hollister. Yeah.. I have always hated that store, but they're paying me. :) Its really scary at first.. The first day, they put me on the register ALONE... You know how freaky that was? I really cannot wait to quit and go to college! :) That was short, but I dont have much to say about it.

Last, but not least is moving on from love. Hard. Hard. Hard. And it may never happen. You might have found someone new, but with some loves, you never fully get over them, you will always love them. But, what you need to do with this is, don't dwell on the past, look forward and find someone new or focus on you. Love is tough, but if you have good friends that stick by you, even when you're in a fight, you can get through it.

Moving on with anything is hard, but you can always get through it, because in the end it will all be worth it. You just have to fight through all the crap to get to the good stuff.

Trust.

Friends always will support you, until you get into a fight with them and then all of a sudden all of their opinions about everything in your life change and suddenly you are doing everything wrong and are a terrible person. That is why it is so hard to trust people now a days because you never know what could happen, all of a sudden you could hate each other and your friend could use all you have told them against you. Having as Best Friend and trusting them with all your secrets can always back fire on you.

Be careful who you trust. Trust is like love, you have to be careful who you give it to because you can always get hurt when you put yourself on the line with friends or with love. Walls are good, walls are safe, and walls will protect you from getting hurt.

2011 Summer Goals:

- Finish The Book of Mormon

- Go to Washington

-Take a road trip with friends

- Finish Jane Erye and Pride & Prejudice

- Go horse back riding

- Go to a rodeo :)

- Go to the Harry Potter midnight premiere

- Have a big garage sale and get rid of all the things I don't need

- Live, Laugh, Love.

- Summer fling (?)

- Go camping (Over and over again)

-See a drive-in movie

-Have a picnic (Day and Night)

- Go to a concert

Summer and Pain.

Summer is finally here! I am so excited! My first few days of summer have been really crazy! So, on Wednesday it was the last day of school and also, I graduated High School that night. I can't believe its over! Then Thursday was Highlands graduation and also Last Blast, where all the Seniors went to Hollywood Connection and partied till like five in the morning, then on Friday I just slept all day basically, then Saturday I went to Lagoon with Bryn and Sarah! It has been crazy! I hope my whole summer is packed with a ton of fun things!

Also, another thing that has happened, I deleted my love off of Facebook.. I need to get away from him and get over him, plus he has been such a jerk to me! He doesn't care about me anymore, so why should I give a crap about him? This summer is not going to be about him, its going to be about me and its going to be the best summer of my life! I cant wait to go off to college and finally get away from him. :)

This is actually one of the hardest things I have done. It is slowly killing me inside, and its only been a day! Im just worried that he is going to talk to me about it and apologize and I am going to give into him and fall for those green eyes all over again.. You know, movies don't show you all the pain that people go through with love and you don't always get the Happily Ever After. Sometimes you are alone and life isn't perfect. No one ever tells you how much it actually hurts, Its like you would rather die than feel this pain.

Graduating and Love.

I graduate in five days.. I graduate from Seminary tomorrow.. I just can't believe that I am moving out and leaving this all behind. Leaving him behind. I know, I talk about him too much and everything, but its a habit. "Feeling the need to bring up her name in random conversations?" - He's Just Not That Into You.

Well, back to the main topic of this post. Its just hard for me to think that this is all over, I may never see these people again. With some people I am alright with that, but with others, I don't want to lose them. I've lost a lot of friends, and I hate it. I don't want to lose anyone that I am close with. I feel like especially if I lost him, my world would feel empty. There's just this part of me that is screaming "DONT LET GO!" and I just don't want to give up, I really don't. I've never felt like this before.

"So this is love, Hmm Hmm Hmm Hmm, so this is love. So this is what makes life divine. I'm all a glow Hmm Hmm Hmm, and now I know, the key to all heaven is mine" -Cinderella

Is life going to be totally different once I move? What's going to happen? Am I going to make friends in college? Will I have a good time and love it? Who will I miss? And who will miss me? These are just some of the questions that blaze through my mind on a daily basis.

You know, my Best Friend Bryn and I have been talking lately about how when we were little, we thought about our Senior year and being eighteen and what it would be like and we predicted that we would be beautiful, smart, popular, have great friends, a car, and an amazing boyfriend and nothing has really turned out the way we thought it would. I feel like day dreaming can sometimes ruin your life because you get these high expectations about your life and then they don't come true. It's just really tough sometimes.

Well, I better get to bed, I have a long day tomorrow. Night my beautiful readers. XOXO.

Life is C-R-A-Z-Y

Man, this week has been one of the longest weeks of my LIFE! Today I performed at my Mom's work and I sang three songs for her staff or whatever, so now I have on down, but after that, I have four performances coming up.. On Friday I have a composition show, where I'm singing in a Trio with two other wonderful singers and the piece was written by a good friend and it is a very beautiful piece, its just hard. Ha ha! Then I have my guitar performance where I am singing Blackbird by The Beatles. Then I have my Vocal concert where I am singing Poor Wandering One from Pirates of Penzance, and that is a harder song for me since I am not really a Opera type of singer, but I've been working really hard on it and I have it down. :) THEN, I have my Graduation performance.. AHHH! Yes, that is right, I am GRADUATING! Yeah, its CRAZY!! So, yeah, my week has consisted of learning tons of music and worrying about it.. Ha ha!

ALSO, this Saturday is SENIOR PROM! Yeah, it has been a very complicated process.. First my Best Friend was thinking about ditching and not going, until I begged her to go (you shouldn't miss your Senior Prom or any other life experiences for anything!) so, that happened. Then, the guy that I asked took a week and four days to answer and ended up saying NO, I am still mad at him. But, not I have a blind date with a hot soon to be Missionary! So, its all good! So, I am REALLY hoping that everything goes P-E-R-F-E-C-T on Saturday.

Okay girls, listen up. If you have a boyfriend and you are in 'love', dont EVER stop living your life because he is not with you or he cant be at an event or something. You need to get tons of single, fun experiences now before you get super tied down. DONT STOP LIVING FOR A GUY. End of story.

Mistakes

Have you ever made a mistake? I hope that in each one of your heads, you said "YES", because we are all human and every human makes mistakes.

You see, I have a big mistake that has been weighing me down for about four months.. One of the biggest mistakes of my life and I just can't seem to fix it. I honestly do think that I am the stupidest girl alive. :P

Heres my HUGE mistake: I broke up with the best guy in the world whom I am in love with and he actually loved me. Yeah, now you think I'm an idiot, right? Well, its true! Biggest idiot RIGHT HERE. <--

Heres the thing though.. Sometimes he can be a huge jerk to me, but then he will look at me with his green eyes and I just can't help but love the guy.. I'm a sucker, I know.. I'm gonna be a bad mother. Ha ha! So, I have these back and forth feelings all the time, but mostly, I have the empty, alone, depressed feeling, Yeah, that one sucks. First love never fades away.. (I'm really hoping he doesn't read this.. I doubt he goes on my blog.. Ha ha) Have any of you made that mistake before? What did you do? How did you handle it? I just don't understand why tons of people can get together after cheating, messy break-ups, and everything and I can't. -.- Can things really go back to the way they were? I guess I will just have to be patient and keep waiting for something to happen.. Well, actually fighting for what I want and seeing if I get a result. :) (Thats the spirit!)

i feel like everything happens for a reason though, and I think that this has made us both stronger as individuals and has actually made us better friends and made our relationship stronger. :) So, just remember, whatever you are going through, everything happens for a reason.

I really don't know what to do.. I've fought for this kid more then I have anything.. Its just exhausting. I'm going to keep fighting though. I just feel like its something worth fighting for. "A GIRL WORTH FIGHTING FOR!" :D Mulan.. Yeah.. Well, now I think that I am off to bed to think some more about my mistake.. I should have ended on a better note.. Don't give up on love! <3

Happily Ever After

This Saturday is SPA's Senior dance, and it is called "The Happily Ever After Ball". You have to come dressed as your favorite Disney character; I am going as Cinderella.

This whole theme of the dance has got me thinking about Fairy-Tales (and I've also watched a lot of Disney movies) and its got me mostly thinking about Princes and Princess'. When I was little, that was my main goal: Become a Princess (or a singer), just like basically every other girl on the planet. I wanted to dress up in pretty gowns, go on adventures, dance with a handsome prince, have him save me from the wicked witch or whatever, and then live HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Isn't that the main goal of everyone? Live happily ever after with your true love? Well, thats one of mine. :) But, you know, sometimes I feel like I am never going to experience that.. I mean I have all my friends and family saying "Oh, you will be happy and in love one day" and all that stuff, but they don't really know that, do they?

I have decided that I need to stop waiting for Prince Charming and go out and find him, fight the dragon myself and save him. I've been doing that.. At least I think I have. I've been fighting non-stop, and sure I have moments of weakness where I'm in my room with chocolate ice-cream, and a pile of chick flicks, crying my eyes out, but I don't think I've fought for something so hard in my entire life! I am now starting to understand what people are talking about with this crap. I used to not really believe in love and think that Fairy-Tales where just a movie thing, but now that I have experienced love, I finally understand what all the hub-bub is about! Its amazing! Sure, it can totally rip you apart piece from piece, but its totally worth it in the end! But, thats the real hard part.. THE END.. Thats what we are all aiming for, as I said before. Ugh.. I keep wishing that a magic remote will show up so I can just fast forward my life! But, thats not going to happen.. I have to live through all the crappy bits of my life, because if I didn't experience these heartaches, these moments of wanting to give up, I would never truly know the meaning of "Happily Ever After".

Thats why we have to keep going and never give up, NEVER. If you give up now, then all that hard stuff you have fought through is for nothing and now you have wasted your life. So, don't give up on anything. Love, your dreams, family, friends, school.. Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about. Good luck. ;)

Sex in the City.

I have been hooked on Sex in the City lately.. I just can't stop watching it. This show has made me think about what I want to do in my life, (Don't worry, its nothing bad), I have decided that, I think I want to be a columnist. I don't want to write about the things that Carrie Bradshaw writes about (Like sex), but I think that would be a fun job. Tell me what you think. Do you think I could be a writer? I would really love to hear your opinion. :)

Speaking of being a columnist, before I can do that I have to go to college, and before I go to college, I have to graduate High School. I hate High School.. -.- I can't wait to graduate! I am so sick of all of those stupid little drama queens at my school. I go to a Performing Arts High School, so the drama there is like 10x the drama at a normal high school. -.-

Most of the drama comes from the SBO's at my school, and most of it comes from the President and the teachers; the school has gone down hill. When I first joined the school, it was so much fun and I learned so much, but now all the school cares about is getting attention, especially the teachers. The school has lost it's meaning, its all about the drama now, and fighting against each other; Highland students are more acceptive of us than our own students.

Well, thats the end of my rant for now, I am beat. Night my beautiful readers. :)

Random Blabbing.

I have been wanting to write on my blog for a long time and it has actually been bugging me that I haven't been writing.. I just haven't been writing because Ill start writing something and I end up not liking what I put down or not knowing what else to write.

I am sitting in my room right now and it is 10:44 at night, I really should be getting to bed because i have school tomorrow, but I cant sleep and I want to write! Chicago is coming out of my speakers softly, so not to wake my parents downstairs. I can't stop listening to Chicago.. I blame my best friend Jenilyn.. Damn..

This, as you can tell, is going to be a very random post.. I just don't know exactly what I am writing, I am just spewing out ideas from my head about what I have thought recently or about what I saw on television or something, so bare with me folks.

I watched Sex in the City earlier and it was an episode about, why can we be friends with our Ex's. That made me think, I have only actually had one boyfriend, (well, Ex, I have one now and he is a keeper! ;) ) But, with my ex, we both said "We are going to be best friends!", well, that was bull. I don't think I have really talked to him since the break up (I'm not really complaining, but still), most of the guys that I have had 'things' with, I haven't really stayed friends with them, some I have, but not a lot and its kind of sad, I don't really get it. How do you stay friends with someone who you shared a part of yourself with and romantic relations with? How do people do it? I guess I will figure that out later in life and not right now; once I understand, Ill make sure to tell you. :)

I really hope I'm not boring you to death.. I'm a rambler, I just go off on things, thats how I write essays and such. Ha ha! I really do need to get more organized.. Ill do that later.. Hopefully.. :P

Well, I guess I should get to bed so I can be refreshed and happy tomorrow! (Hopefully) Good night all my wonderful, smart, kind, beautiful readers! (If I have any..) NIGHT! :D