Part of Me:

I love writing. I may not be very good at it, but it will always be something that I enjoy. I have been writing stories, and my thoughts down ever since I was little. Some of the stories that  I wrote are pretty funny to read now, and reading them just showed me how much I love writing and how much I want it in my life. There is just something about writing or typing out your thoughts, your fantasies, your world out; it brings a sort of peace and joy.
A quote from my favorite show, One Tree Hill, says: : "That's what writers do. We put pen to paper in times of devastating tragedy. We just try to make sense of it. Maybe we'll find clarity in some of those words. Maybe we'll find peace."
When I am having a bad day, I write or I sing. It's what I do, it releases some of the pain and helps me get out what needs to be let out. I can either write about what I am going through, or sing it out. There is just an emotion and a feeling there that is personal and meant for me, it is a part of me.

Twenty Years:

Time just seems to be creeping in, it always surprises me by how fast time actually goes. I am going to be Twenty years old on Wednesday. I have been alive for twenty years, and honestly, what have I done with my life? I have lived a mediocre life so far, and I'm not really okay with that. It annoys me constantly and I stay up nights obsessing over it. I need some more adventure in my life and I need to stop settling for mediocre things. I need to make this life the best that I can, I know Ill make many mistakes along the way, but I want my life to be one where I can look back and be satisfied with what I did with it. I don't want to look back with regret. So, cheers. Heres to another year, another birthday, and the promise of tomorrow.

Heart and Head:

My heart is aching and I don't know why. I have a headache from all the confusion in my head, I just hate it. Why am I not normal? Why do I seem to run from every good guy that comes my way? Why am I pulling away? I feel as if I can't fall in love, which is awful, because it seems like the most amazing thing on earth; even better than chocolate.
Theres this boy, and he is simply amazing. He is the sweetest and I'm falling hard, or so I thought. It's like my head and heart are at war with one another.. My heart says, "I like him. I like him a lot, don't you feel the pounding in your chest?" and then my head says, "Oh, no. You're getting too close.. Here, let me point out all the little things that will push you away." This is what happens to me every time, I swear. That is the exact reason why it scares me, it makes me think that I cannot fall in love for real. I ruin all these great things with my stupidity and fears.
Heart, why can't you be normal and just let yourself fall? Take down that wall, and fall. Please.

Life Speaks Thankfulness:

I may not think this all the time, but my life is wonderful. I am so blessed, especially with family and friends. I have the most wonderful friends who are always there for me and support me with anything that I decide to do; even a mission.
I thought today I would just share pieces of my life with you, and show you the wonderful people in my life whom I love so much and don't know what I would do without.

These people. I can't tell you how much I love these people. These are my parents, and they are two amazing people. They support me through anything, whether I want to be a vet, violinist, singer, lawyer, actress, or missionary (which they are so excited for) I love them so much and am so thankful for them.

This is my older brother. Even though we may have different opinions and may fight a bit, I still love him so much and I am so grateful to have him in my life. It has always been him and me against the world, because, well, it has always just been the two of us.

Yes, I am putting my puppy in here. If you know me, you know how much I love this adorable fluff ball. He is the favorite child of the family, and is so spoiled. He is my baby and if you don't like him, then you can go away, please.

This is my Best Friend, Bryn. This is my other half. I have known this beautiful lady since I was three years old and we have been inseparable ever since. I don't know what I would do without her in my life, she's my other half, so I really don't know what I would do. I love this girl so much, and am so thankful for her.

This is my other Best Friend. I have known her my whole life and she is one of the most amazing people I know. I also have no idea what I would do without her in my life. Even though we don't get to see each other much or talk, because she is married and used to live farther away, I don't know what I would do if I couldn't talk to her about everything. I truly believe that her, Bryn, and I were soul mate best friends, that we knew each other in the pre-existent and we will be best friends forever.

This is Jake. Jake is special. Just kidding, he is just super fun and weird. I love this kid. He is my other best friend, whom I have known for almost six years. I met him in math class, he dated my ex best friend, she cheated on him, we became best friends and have been together ever since! What a lovely story, huh? We don't see each other or talk much, but we're always there for each other when needed and I know I can always count on this crazy kid. I love my best friend and am so thankful for him!

This beautiful lady is my other best friend. She currently lives in Germany, which is very far away from me and I miss her so very much. We became friends over hubba bubba watermelon gum and baby leashes (only she and maybe Jake will get that) and we just clicked. She is such an amazing person and I look up to her in so many ways, I hope she's in my life for a long time, say, forever? Yes.

This is Angie, she is another one of my best friends and also one of my roommates. She is a beautiful person inside and out. She is such an amazing friend and such a fun person! I could never get bored when I'm around her, and I know that she will always be there for me to help me through anything. We are roommate soul mates, I know that we were meant to be in each others lives to help each other and everything. Ang, never leave my life, okay? Okay.

This ladies and gents is my boyfriend. Yes, I have a boyfriend. He is such a great person, and is so sweet to me. He may be a little shy, and we may be a bit awkward together, but I've loved all the butterflies and little things with this guy. We're both leaving on missions, but for now, this is a good thing we have going on. We'll see what the future holds with us as friends or whatever it will be.

These are "The Boys," Hazael, Matt, and Skyler. Ang and I are always with these three and we all have such a blast together. I love our little group and am thankful for their examples and craziness.

These lovely girls are my roommates. We were all roommates last year, and are still roommates this year because we love each other so much! (Even though we want to kill a certain one..) I love these girls like no other, they are always there for me, and are always there when I need to party as well. I think we were meant to be in each others lives for a reason.

Things to get out:

I just feel like getting everything that I am thinking about out of me. I have so many people that I love and trust to talk to, but some things I feel pathetic talking to people about. You know?
During this first week of school, I've just haven't felt beautiful. Not at all. Maybe it's because I don't have my blonde hair, I feel pretty with my blonde hair. it's just sad, I feel like. That I just don't feel beautiful. I miss having that one special guy who makes me feel so beautiful, and it's so sad that I am depending on guys for that. I should feel beautiful and confident without them and on my own. Yeah, my feminist side and my romantic side fight a lot.. I need to work on feeling beautiful and special without a guy, it's just hard sometimes when you just feel so alone; even though I have so many amazing people surrounding me.

Sophia Bush:

I thought that I would write a post on someone I look up to, and not just because she is gorgeous and from my favorite show, but because she is someone who inspires me and someone who should be looked up to and idolized, instead of people like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton. Sophia Bush inspires me because along with being beautiful, she is also very intelligent. She stands up for her beliefs and fights for them. She is part of many organizations that help the environment, animals, and people in need. 

"I know that we are just guests on this planet and we should take care of it." S.B.

She does what she can with her status to make people aware of what is going on in our world and what we can do to help. She has a real passion for things and that is something I really admire, because I used to be like that. I want to help out more, anyway I can with animals and the environment. This is why I look up to her. Not because she is famous, but because she is actually doing something with her status, instead of just living in a big house and spending all her money on cars and clothes. She is someone to look up to.

Use environmentally safe grocery bags. No more plastic.

Gets the cast of OTH to recycle.

Joins in organizations that help people.

Missing You and Them:

I miss a lot of people right now and I miss a lot of things. I miss my roommates, who are some of my best friends. I miss hanging out with them everyday, and just talking and laughing about everything and anything. I miss staying up all night laughing at the silliest things with my roommate, Angie. I miss my best friend, Jen. I miss going shopping with her, and having sleep overs at her house, talking about everything. I miss her presence in my life, she's my best friend. I miss my best friend, Sarah. She is getting married in August and I'm worried things may change a bit. She is my longest friend. I miss my Ex. Actually, I miss two of them. I miss Travis, Elder Howden. Even though he made me so mad sometimes, he was still one of my best friends down at Snow. I miss talking to him, and arguing about rugby. (Highland is so much better than United..) I miss Oliver. I miss how we knew everything about each other. I didn't have to tell him what I was thinking, he already knew. He knows how I watch Chick Flicks and eat ice cream when I'm upset, he knows how obsessed I am with Grease and how I want to sing it with my husband; he knows me. I miss romance, and that feeling you get when things are just starting out with a guy you like. Like the excitement, the bubbliness, the nervousness, the butterflies. First kisses, first dates, and all of that. I guess I'm just impatient. I just miss everything that has happened that isn't there anymore. Does that make sense?

Growing up a dreamer:

When you're younger, you sit and day dream about what your life is going to be when you're older. Once you get to that age that you've been dreaming of since you were little, you realize that your life isn't the way that you thought it would be.
When I was little, I thought that by now, at age nineteen, I would have a car, a great job, and an amazing boyfriend. I have none of those things. Now, I am dreaming about the future, how I want to be married with a fantastic husband, great kids, a beautiful house and all of that. But, if I am dreaming of those things now, like I did when I was little, are they really going to turn out like I think they will? Things didn't turn out like I thought they would when I was a little girl. What is the use of dreaming? You can wish and wait for your life to turn out the way you think it's going to, but it's not always going to go the way you planned it.

Easter:

My brother, my Savior, my life, my light, my guide. This is who Jesus Christ is to me. He died for me so that I could come and live with my Heavenly Father and him again one day. He died so that I could repent from my sins and be forgiven for the stupid mistakes that I have made. I love this Gospel with all of my heart, I don't even want to think about about who I would be without the Gospel in my life. I love my Heavenly Father and my brother, Jesus Christ very much. I am so thankful for everything that they have done in my life. They gave me my life, and they gave me everything in it. I am so grateful for everything. I believe in this church with everything in my body. I am a Daughter of God, I love him, and he loves me. I will stand as a witness of God at all times and in all things, and in all places. I have a strong testimony of this church and cannot wait to find a man who feels the same way and who will build me up and be my knight in shining armor.

Life, Adventure, and Time:

I feel as if my life is slipping away. There are so many things that I want to do in my life, and places that I want to go. I feel like my life is going to go in a certain direction and I won't be able to do anything that I truly want. I feel like I'm gonna go through college, get married, have kids, and then my life will be over. I want that to happen, but I want to go on adventures too; before I get married and after I get married. I want to travel, and experience things. I want to live my life, and I feel like I need to do more with it. It's hard to do, though. You need to be rich to live life. I want to travel, but I can't because I don't have the money for it. A lot of the things that I want to do involve money and time.

Time seems to be slipping away. I feel like I have a limited amount of time to do everything that I want to do before I get married and have kids. I feel like I waste so much time on Facebook or Youtube, when I could be creating memories for myself and others. It takes time to earn money and it takes money to go on adventures.

Life is about taking risks and having fun, along with being serious and working for what you want. I want my life to be something I will remember as being fun, and full of adventure, love, and fighting for what I want. Don't just let your life pass by, we have an eternity to live, but that doesn't mean you should just waste your time. Make your life something worthwhile. Explore, say no, say yes, talk to that person, do something you've wanted to, and live. I plan on making my life a heaven on earth. I just hope I can do that.