Comfortable Body:

I am not comfortable in my body. Not one bit and it is becoming a problem for me. I want to finally feel comfortable in my own body and I think that the only way that I am going to achieve that is if I lose some weight, and start being healthier and more in shape. We will see how this goes since I hate to exercise and I love junk food. Wish me luck on my new goal! I hope that this will help me to finally feel comfortable in the clothes I wear and in my skin!

Mission Fears:

For a while now, I have been preparing to go on an LDS mission and throughout this whole process I have had my doubts. Now, these doubts could be the adversary trying to get to me and make sure that I don't go out and bring people to the Gospel, or it could be a sign that I shouldn't go; I'm not sure what it is. I am terrified. I am not a good person sometimes, and I make a lot of mistakes. I swear sometimes, I make dirty jokes, watch bad movies, listen to bad music, I can be really mean to people, and my thought aren't always the cleanest. I'm not the most modest at times, teaching scares me, and I am not a morning person and I can be lazy as well. I'm scared that I am going to fail, I don't want to have people be disappointed in me. My parents are so excited, and I can't let them down, I want them to have a missionary. If I backed out, I would feel so horrible for the rest of my life, because I denied my parents that joy of finally having a missionary and being able to have that experience. I can't tell if I am just getting scared, or what. I just know that I am terrified and it scares me that I have come this far in the process and am now scared out of my mind and I don't know what to do or who to talk to. I sure hope I  figure it out soon.

Fear Surrounds Me Like a Fence:

"I feel these four walls closin' in 
My face up against the glass 
Im looking out, hmm 
Is this my life I'm wonderin' 
It happened so fast 
How do I turn this thing around 
Is this the bed I chose to make 
Its greener pastures i'm thinkin' about, hmm 
Wide open spaces far away. . .
. . . I see the girl I wanna be 
Riding bareback, carefree along the shore 
If only that someone was me 
Jumpin' head first headlong with out a fall 
To act and damn the consequence 
How I wish it could be that easy 
But fear surrounds me like a fence 
I wanna break free" 
- Wild Horses by Natasha Bedingfield.

Crazy for this guy:

I'm crazy for this guy. This guy is amazing. This guy is sweet, and funny, and handsome, and one of my best friends. This guy told me that he loved me tonight and I refuse to run away this time. I care too much for this guy and I will not let my fears destroy this, I will not. This guy loves me. This guy is in love with me. This guy said "I love you." This guy also knows that I am not ready to say it back, but I also hope this guy knows that I am crazy for him.